Getting it together

After a series of long, focused, deep breaths I finally think things are totally under control. And I haven't even gone to see my shrink yet! :)

Of course it's probably a bad idea for me to do the deep breathing thing right now, since I just filled the room with chemicals from the spray glitter I just shot my veil with....No matter though!

I had Friday off from work, so I spent the day sending out some emails to get a few things organized and trying to get the house picked up. Truthfully Joe and I never have a dirty house (because neither one of us can stand it) but it does occasionally get cluttered, which is just as bad in my book. So I did what I could to take care of that. Last night and tonight I concentrated on the "office" because it was trashed with everything from shower gifts (we've decided not to start using anything until after the wedding when we have everything) to wedding decorations to my bridal emergency kit.

What's a bridal emergency kit, you ask? Well, it's a collection of things that a bride might need on her big day. Things like:

• Hair pins and bobbie pins
• gum
• mints (because if I so much as think about popping my gum during the ceremony Joe might leave me at the altar)
  
• bottled water
• straws (so I don't mess up my lipstick while staying hydrated)
• granola bars (you never know when I'll get hungry)
• clear nail polish (for running panty hose...not that I'm going to wear those pain-in-the-ass things
• hair ties
• Tide (TM) stain pen
• cold medicine (non-drowsy)
• motrin
• safety pins
• tampons, etc
• lotion
• chapstick
• bandaids
• tums

Anyway, I have tamed the office. I even took some arts and crafts time to write all of our attendants' names on ribbons to tie on their champagne glasses and to make super-sweet reserved signs using left over invitation paper and a wax sealer. So it looks pretty good (well, right now there's an old sheet on the floor and my veil is hanging from the fan, but that's temporary).

I have at least one last WalMart run to make for a few random things and I'll need to get some groceries on Tuesday or Wednesday before the wedding so I can feed the people staying in our house. On Thursday I'm going to make spaghetti so that everyone that's in town won't have to go out to eat and all that. We have a white board keeping track of everyone's arrival....flight times, where they are staying, who's picking them up...the works.

Tomorrow Joe and I are going to tackle our bedroom, which is pretty cluttered (his help in contingent on his health...he is STILL sick). Then next weekend we'll super clean the house and make sure we have all of our bedding washed for the people staying here (we have a FULL house) and all that.

Today we picked up our wedding rings. I was going to have Joe's engraved with an Irish Gaelic saying, but he picked out a titanium ring, so that's out of the question. I do need to take our cake server to the engraver though. Joe purchased flasks for his groomsmen (minus his brother, who he is still shopping for) and he's going to have them engraved when they arrive. I got some super cute stuff for my bridesmaids, but I can't say what they are since some of them read my blog.

Tonight I organized all of our decorations into boxes. There is a specific box for the church and for the gift opening (not really decorations so much as napkins, cups, etc) and the ones for the reception are all labeled with the contents. I typed up some instructions for decorating - I've put Teresa and Julie in charge of decorating, but they are definitely going to need some help. I'll have to see what kind of bodies I can come up with.

This week I really only need to work on emailing everyone who's invited to the rehearsal dinner and getting together the wedding weekend itinerary. Oh, and figuring out how to get my Mom to show up on time to everything.... :) Just kidding Mom....I already have a plan for that! :)

Night!

Feeling Better

After a rough couple of days I'm feeling better, more relaxed, and less exhausted. Oddly enough, I think the trick was to take a break from everything I thought I needed to do.

On Monday and Tuesday this week I worked from 9:30 am to 6-ish pm, and when you're at work for the entire business day it's very difficult to get anything done. Pair that with feeling exhausted and it's no wonder I started to stress out!

On Wednesday I didn't have to be to work until 2, so I went for my final dress fitting and met with our photographer in the morning (I try to stay on Joe's sleep schedule no matter what time I work, so I tend to be pretty productive in the morning). Knowing that my dress is altered, paid for, etc was nice as was getting the details of pictures worked out. I love out photographer. She's totally laid back but very professional and seems to have a great sense of what kind of photos we want. I'm certain we'll be pleased with her work - plus she's about 1/3 of the cost of other photographers (because it's kind of a moonlighting thing for her).

I also made a doctor's appointment for next Friday. I'm not thrilled because it's with my previous psychiatrist at MGH, but she was the first available and I'm fairly certain she'll respect my wishes for meds. Unfortunately she has zero personality and tends to fall back onto older meds...but we'll see.

Wednesday night I decided that when I got home I was going to do nothing but relax and rest. So instead of organizing the reception decorations like I planned on doing or writing my vows like I need to do, I sat on the couch and watched a movie. Joe recently complained he needed to get to bed earlier...and then admitted that really he just needed me to shut up once we were in bed! So I told him to make a point to chat with me sometime before bed without the TV on or the computer on one of our laps. Apparently that was the trick, because when we went to bed I didn't keep him up talking....nor did I keep myself up thinking.

Today I felt great. I worked 7:30-1:30, which is one of my favorite shifts and ran a few errands once I got out (returned some wine glasses to WalMart, bought the mints and nuts for the tables at the reception, picked up the flowergirl's dress from the seamstress). Joe left work early today so we could go get a marriage license and then we went and looked at a house in the Harvey area. Unfortunately that's when the night went slightly downhill...because we came home and accidentally took a nap for 2+ hours.

This was probably best for Joe, who's been sick allllll week, but not so much for me. Now it's midnight and I'm AWAKE. I've decided to use the energy to be productive (after I'm done blogging) and make sure I'm sleeping by 130 so that when I get up tomorrow at 730 I'm still relatively well rested. Still, I might have to take a sleep aid.

But for now I'm going to go put my Proactiv Refining Mask on my face, a white strip on my teeth, and see what I can get accomplished in the next hour.

It was only a matter of time....

...before I started to stress out.

I'm not really sure why I'm stressing out (I mean besides the obvious getting married in 17 days thing). Things are falling into place just fine. I'm well organized, have most things ready to go, and have a boat load of willing, helpful people just a phone call away.

But my oh my am I stressed.

I'm still functioning well and all that, but not with the ease I crave. And I've been so easily pushed to the path to negative town lately. Like on Saturday when I had to defer a donor for 8 weeks because of a red blood cell loss....he was super upset because apparently we were his only source of income. Of course I feel horrible for him, but normally I can let it go. I'm still dwelling on it 5 days later and it makes me sad. When I feel like this all of the sadness in the world jumps up and slaps me in the face.


I've also felt pretty much exhausted for the past few days, but don't do so well with falling asleep. I'll be too tired to do anything productive so I'll go to bed...and be up for another hour thinking of things I could have gotten done that day. It takes everything I've got to keep me in bed instead of getting up and cleaning the house, running to WalMart, writing a to-do list, etc etc. So instead the house is a wreck, I write my to-do list in the morning, and try my hardest to relax at night. And occasionally take a benadryl to put me to sleep.

So it looks like I probably need to go to the doctor. Problem is I don't actually have a doctor (yes yes save me the lectures, I know). I don't have any urge to see any of the psychiatrists that MGH has to offer, I haven't found any others up here, and I'm not sure who's in my network insurance wise.

Oh, and on a side note...Joe's insurance with his new job is outstanding, with one minor defect - his mental health benefits are a joke. Ugh!

Guess I should probably stop typing and start making some phone calls.