I miss my dog.

Sometimes I think I'm a little blindsided by how much I miss Molli. I truly believe that I've moved on from grief to just plain old loneliness. For me, there's a level of companionship that dogs can offer that I haven't found anywhere else. They don't question you, judge you, abandon you, or get an attitude with you. They just love you unconditionally and want nothing more than to hang out. I like our cat, but he just doesn't fill that "void" like Molli did. And I really don't think Molli is the only one that could fill it.

I'll never replace Molli and I'll never stop missing her. But I feel cheated. When I adopted her I expected her to be with me for longer than 30 months. I depended on her to be the unchanging source of smiles in my life. When I moved to Traverse City it was her head/body/shoulder that I cried on when I was lonely and upset. Even though I knew how sick she was when we moved back to Marquette I was still depending on her to take me through the transition (as strange as it sounds, moving back "home" wasn't as easy for me as you would think). So when I had to let her go so quick it left me feeling pretty lost. I know she's gone and that there's not another dog like her, but I still yearn for the companionship I found in her...and the cat isn't filling that order.

I want another dog. I knew I would, I just didn't expect it to happen so fast. I want another being that will go everywhere I go, that will play with me and lay with me and share my french fries (kinda seems like I just described Joe, hey?). Joe says I'm bored, which I am, but I don't think he gets it. I know he doesn't. He's not a dog guy; he could go the rest of his life never having a dog and not be affected by it in the least. But I can't.

Joe says we're not in a position to get a dog right now, and I can't decide if he's right or if that's an excuse. We live in an apartment, true, but I don't want a 90 pound dog. I want one around 25 pounds. And even Joe will agree that as apartment complexes go, ours is pretty much perfect for dogs. Just across our parking lot there are woods and we're practically on top of the city's bike path. I have an abundance of dog-loving family members in the area that would gladly watch the dog when we're out of town. It is true we lack a yard with a fence and all that, but I really don't think we'd be doing injustice to a dog by having it here.

The humane society has what I would consider the perfect dog for us right now. She's still a puppy at 7 months but has been trained quite a bit already. She's an AKC registered puggle (half pug and half beagle) that her previous owners had to give up because their son developed asthma. She's trained to ring a bell when she needs to use the bathroom. She's about 20 pounds and will grow another 5-10 pounds at the most. She knows how to fetch, sit, and stay. Her teeth are beautiful and her breath is just fine (two parts of Molli that weren't so hot haha). She's got short hair and won't need to be groomed. It kills me knowing such a great dog is available and we can't get her.

The worst part of this is that there's really no compromise. One of us wins and one of us loses. I keep telling myself that eventually the puggle will get adopted and then my want for a dog will calm down a bit, but I think that's probably a little unrealistic. I'm still going to want a dog to walk on the bike path and one to take to camp so she can swim and run and play with the other dogs. Joe says he doesn't have the energy for a dog, but I don't think he knows what kind of energy they really require. Joe never had to care for Molli when she was healthy, so he can only make that judgment based on the times we spent cleaning up after her, changing her bandages, taking her to the vet, and so on and so forth. I'm not saying that dogs don't require energy, but I am saying he might be a little jaded.

So for now the idea is that we'll wait to get a dog because Joe doesn't want one "right now." But like I said, I don't really think he'll ever want one, I just think he'll accept one. That sounds a little harsh, but the point is I don't see Joe seeking out a dog on his own. Joe loved Molli to death, so his stance is a little confusing to me, but I can't change it.

So for now I guess I'll just continue to miss my dog.