It was only a matter of time....

...before I started to stress out.

I'm not really sure why I'm stressing out (I mean besides the obvious getting married in 17 days thing). Things are falling into place just fine. I'm well organized, have most things ready to go, and have a boat load of willing, helpful people just a phone call away.

But my oh my am I stressed.

I'm still functioning well and all that, but not with the ease I crave. And I've been so easily pushed to the path to negative town lately. Like on Saturday when I had to defer a donor for 8 weeks because of a red blood cell loss....he was super upset because apparently we were his only source of income. Of course I feel horrible for him, but normally I can let it go. I'm still dwelling on it 5 days later and it makes me sad. When I feel like this all of the sadness in the world jumps up and slaps me in the face.


I've also felt pretty much exhausted for the past few days, but don't do so well with falling asleep. I'll be too tired to do anything productive so I'll go to bed...and be up for another hour thinking of things I could have gotten done that day. It takes everything I've got to keep me in bed instead of getting up and cleaning the house, running to WalMart, writing a to-do list, etc etc. So instead the house is a wreck, I write my to-do list in the morning, and try my hardest to relax at night. And occasionally take a benadryl to put me to sleep.

So it looks like I probably need to go to the doctor. Problem is I don't actually have a doctor (yes yes save me the lectures, I know). I don't have any urge to see any of the psychiatrists that MGH has to offer, I haven't found any others up here, and I'm not sure who's in my network insurance wise.

Oh, and on a side note...Joe's insurance with his new job is outstanding, with one minor defect - his mental health benefits are a joke. Ugh!

Guess I should probably stop typing and start making some phone calls.