Update

All in all, this has been a pretty tolerable week...except for Tuesday:

On Tuesday, my PCP called and informed me that my pap smear was abnormal, so I've got to see a GYN on April 10th. The cells were positive for HPV, which I was a little taken aback by...actually, I was pissed (currently my most visited emotion). Never at Joe, just pissed...who knows when I was exposed to it, that's life. I called my sister and talked to her about it and felt better after word. I was totally freaked out at first, but I've discovered it's not worth it to be worried. The whole reason women have yearly paps is to catch stuff like this. On the 10th I guess we're testing to see what strains are there and then we treat from there. I'm starting the Gardasil series on the 1st, which I'm a little puzzled about. I'm going to trust my docs on this one.

I also saw my therapist and I'm always uneasy after that, but we established goals and a treatment plan. So that's good. After therapy I went to get my haircut. As she was starting the cut (she'd just made her first cut - 5 inches off the bottom) my psychiatrist's office called and said they'd had a cancellation and wanted me to come in....so Steph had to power cut my hair so I could get the the doc on time. It looked like total shit when I left the salon, as it was soaking wet and as it dried it got all puffy.

I was a mess at the psychiatrist's office. Rather than being relieved about getting in to see her, I was oddly nervous. I was either going to panic at any moment or I was tinkering on hypomania. I was scared about the inevitable medication adjustment - I can deal with my current side effects, but I am worried what different meds will bring. I was worried she'd put me on a benzo on a regular basis (instead of PRN), which I don't want because the risk of dependency is sooooo high. To say I was agitated is the understatement of the year. You could argue I shouldn't have been driving, both to and from her office. She decided to increase my anti-depressant and told me it was probably going to make me have more panic attacks before it levels out, which takes 6 weeks. Fan-fucking-tastic (excuse the language, I'm venting).

I disagree with her medication adjustment. I'm definitely still depressed, but the depression isn't currently ruling my life. Sure, it makes me feel like shit most of the time, but it's not TOTAL shit so I can handle it. It's the anxiety, irritability, agitation, inability to focus....my memory has gotten so bad that sometimes when I'm typing I forget what word I'm supposed to be spelling. I can't finish a task, I get so distracted that I'll be on the computer and suddenly have 1o tabs open in Mozilla, all of which are different subjects I suddenly NEED to look into. One could argue that these are all symptoms of depression, but since I feel like I've had 5 cups of coffee and can't keep up with my thoughts I would argue otherwise. Then I crash. I'm afraid the anti-depressant will make this worse.

But I didn't go to medical school so it's ultimately not my decision. As they say, the doctor that treats thine self treats a fool. So we start another 6 week trial and error process. I'm off for another month from work. The extra meds are giving me headaches, but they're manageable. I'm having some issues with the amount of medication I have to take (which is common) but I still take it all (perhaps no so common in BP patients). Mostly I'm bored, so I'm trying to find a hobby. I'm trying to be positive about getting better. I'm doing the right things and eventually the combo will work. Next week I'm going to try try try to start getting out of the house everyday and going to the "W" (community center) to start getting some regular exercise. I'm reading (slowly) a book on managing bipolar disorder. We're working on my anger in therapy. I'm trying to get into the habit of charting my moods. I'm trying, I want to get better, and I will. But I think my Tuesday could have knocked anyone on their ass.


Now, the good stuff!!!

Our newest nephew, Samuel David, has arrived!
He was born on March 13th at 4:38 pm via C-section.
He's 10 lbs 4 ounces, 21 inches long.
The doc barely got the word c-section out before Sam's Mom was signing the consent...they knew he was going to be a bog boy :)
We haven't been to see him since Joe's sick and I don't want to carry his bug into the OB unit, but we'll visit him at home later this week. I'll put some pictures up when I get some.
We now have 10 nephews, 2 nieces, and another niece on the way. Our siblings have been busy over the last 16 years :)

Joe's boss put in his notice on Friday, so Joe's job description changed quite a bit, as did his salary. He's been working his butt off and is getting recognized for it. I'm very proud of him!

Our claim for the car (I was in an accident a few weeks ago) is going to be covered under our broadform policy. Hooray for no deductibles!

It looks like we are going to be stuck up here for a couple few more months, but there are definitely some positives to this: I will probably be able to go to Kristy's bridal shower, we'll be able to spend more time with our families before we move so far away, and we'll be able to save more money while our rent is so cheap. Actually using our savings account makes me happy.

My hair, while looking horrible when I left the salon, actually turned out really well. I'm enjoying it.

So yeah, minus Tuesday, not a bad week. Perhaps this coming week will be even better!